Since I’ve driven across the US once and flown a few times, I decided it was time to complete the Planes, Trains, and Automobiles trifecta. Amtrak’s USA Rail Pass gives you 10 segments (rides, basically) over the course of 30 days for $499. Which might save you a little money, but what it certainly does is helps structure a trip.

The Buffalo to Cleveland train runs twice a day in the middle of the night – great way to start a trip – so I departed at 12:50am alongside about 20 Amish people and rolled into Cleveland at around 4am.

My travel habits, after years of overseas travel, aren’t entirely harmonious with the typical US-style travel. But I’m here (mostly) trying to overlay those habits onto this trip nonetheless.

That means instead of Ubering to a hotel I had booked to get some sleep, I leave my bag with Amtrak and wander around downtown Cleveland at 5am to skip the cost of the hotel. It seems to be a city that sleeps. Not much going on, so I looked at some old buildings lit up at night, wandered the malls/lawns kept green by strategically placed sprinklers that kept the benches wet, but eventually found a dry one with a view as the sky started to light up.

Here’s a picture of the giant red stamp in downtown. They had a little outdoor concert by it on Friday.

Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts, despite opening very early, did not offer any seating, which completely defeats the purpose of their existence for me. Yours Truly on Playhouse Square opened at 7am, so I opted for a counter-sitting classic diner breakfast like you see in the old paintings.

After that, being a Friday, I did a bit of cafe-hopping to get some work done until my check-in time at 3pm. Lion Heart Coffee and Rising Star Coffee Roasters both had nice little tables where I could work while feeling unobtrusive. Rising Star was in “The Arcade”, an old-timey shopping area that is also worth wandering around.

Thanks to Billy Joel and Nicki Minaj, the hotel costs in Cleveland were oppressive this weekend, so I’m staying in Westlake, 20 miles (or a 1 hour bus ride) West of the city. That allowed me to get some reading in, as I’m trying to get through Sapiens so I can lighten my load and switch to the e-Reader. It also affords me the opportunity to witness typical US bus hijinks like a woman with a custom license plate attached to her electric wheelchair, cackling about running over her friend’s foot during her fourteen-point turn to secure her spot, while the rest of the riders waited to continue the journey like it was a completely normal occurrence.

I was the only backpacker trudging across the overpass spanning a 10-lane highway (of which 3 were of course under construction), sidestepping discarded Marlboro packages to make my way to my motel that would be flatteringly described as “functional”.

After a quick nap and change of clothes, I hopped back on the bus to go to Ohio City. The fact that I had bought a day pass for the bus motivated me out of the motel to get my money’s worth.

I spent the evening in the Ohio City area. The first stop was Bookhouse Brewing, a little, themed bar that felt more like a small house. It featured books, as you’d expect, and a wide selection of games. The crowd was a bit more alternative – I wouldn’t have been out of place if I had died my hair pink beforehand – and it had a nice neighborhoody vibe.

I continued down the street to the center of Ohio City area, which is a bit more vibrant and upscale. Had a veggie burger at a place that would later be described to me as “a little douchey”, which I can see (although I didn’t stay late enough to really see it). I followed that up with a trip to Great Lakes Brewing Co, which can frequently be found on tap back home and lent a sense of familiarity.

I had an Eliot Ness beer while getting a local guy’s thoughts on Desean Watson being both a bad person and a bad player. The woman on my other side had a lot to say, but the words slurred together unmemorably. Since the last bus home left at 9:45, it wasn’t a very late night, and I wanted to return to my little paradise overlooking the parking lot.

One thing that ubiquitously transcends regional differences is the morning battle for the waffle iron at motel free breakfasts. Fail none, it’s the only thing worth eating and there’s only one for the entire place.

Rather than engaging in that, I had a bowl of cheerios and coffee, then walked down the street to Dunkin. While I’m quite frugal with most of my choices when traveling, I will pay to not wait for a mediocre waffle. 

The hour-long bus ride back to the city brings me through a few neighborhoods of varying quality, but I think it’s a good way to get a feel for a place. Overall, I was impressed with Cleveland. From rows of little shops to food truck festivals to events around the city each night, it seems to have a lot going for it.

What it doesn’t have is a place for you to store your bag in the city, as far as I could tell. I arrived at the Amtrak station a little after noon, and apparently it had closed hours earlier and didn’t reopen until midnight. Good thing I went with the backpack instead of the roller bag, as I’d be lugging it around me the rest of the day.

I made my way to Lakeview Cemetery, wandering the pathways looking like I was hiking the Inca Trail. The cemetery has its own visitor office and map, and it’s filled with lots of unique tombstones and statues celebrating the dead. Here’s a few notable ones.

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The highlight of the cemetery is the James A. Garfield monument. If you had to guess which president was from Cleveland, you’d probably guess Grover Cleveland right? Nope, James Garfield. If you had to guess which president lived on Sesame Street, you’d probably guess Grover Cleveland too right? But no, none of them did. It’s either just not real, or no one can tell you how to get there.

Anyway, they offer free tours so I learned some things about him. And here are some photos of it.

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The memorial is like 7 stories and is built at the highest point of the cemetery, so the top provides a pretty good view back to the city and lake.

From there I started walking back, which took me through Little Italy. I stopped at Presti’s Bakery, where I paid over $10 for a cannoli and cream puff because they didn’t post prices on things. Maybe that’s why people take pictures of their desserts, so it feels more worth it. I failed to think of that until I had already mashed the cream puff like a toddler trying to eat with his hands, but Amit Bhushan took a picture of one and posted it to Google, and it looked like this:

I arrived back in the center at about 4pm, so I stopped by the Cleveland Public Library for a couple hours before it closed. I forget how much I like libraries and have decided to try to go to more of them. This one is beautiful, has lots of space, great desks, and that’s before you consider the fact that it’s full of books and media that you can use for free.

Now about 6pm, I had 6 hours to burn before the Amtrak station opened. I managed to split that time between two breweries downtown. As a master at slow drinking, two lite beers at each place split with a wander around downtown made the time pass.

Masthead Brewing Co – Busy place, nice beer, pretty bad pizza. Greasy, poor topping distribution, and low crust integrity. Congrats to Jonathan and Sam on their engagement party though. They had a lot of leftover cookies.

Noble Beast Brewing Co – This had much more of a low-key neighborhood vibe without being too divey, rather than the industrial-chic that a lot of local breweries boast nowadays.

I walked back to the Amtrak station at midnight and slept (poorly) for the next couple hours. Only two Amish people this time – apparently they don’t like to stop in Cleveland. The train leaves at 3am and arrives around 8:30am, but hopefully after this the timing will become less painful.